Today it rained.

I sat alone and licked clean a spoon of cake. I missed you. I sat by the window, the empty chair in front of me mocking. Little rivulets of water ran down the glass, streaking along like tears across a face. Someone opened the door, and a sheet of water rushed in. The streets were deserted, save for a few autos lurking hopefully. People ran for shelter. I wish I could run. I ate to push my sorrows away. Cake and quiche. Sunny food, to be eaten in the wash of bright sunshine. Now the cake is done, and I toy with the spoon. Shoo the waiter away, to sit alone in peace. The buzz of teenies resonates. Yet it is silent. Noise it may be, yet there is nothing to listen to. I wonder which cake to choose. Choices. One or the other. No one to choose but me. No one to know but me.

I miss you. Like the deserts miss the rain. I wish I could do better. Not do what I do wrong. Do it right. Just do it. I am what I am, but I wish I weren't. You make me want to be a better person.

"She says "we've got to hold on to what we got, it doesn't make a difference if we make it or not""

I wish I knew how it would feel to be free. I wish I could be serious when I should be and full of joy when I can be. I wish I was right. You know you're right. And I forget just what it is that makes me smile, I find it hard and it's hard to find. Oh well, whatever, nevermind.

How did so much become so little? And something so small grow into something so big? Where is all the promise? Why is there so much to look forward to?

"...sometimes I wait forever, to stand out in the rain, so no one sees me crying, trying to wash away the pain."