I think it's all going south. I don't know what I've done wrong, in my own convoluted way. Maybe I deserve it. Maybe I am kidding myself.

I don't seek absolution. I don't want sympathy.

I ask for clarity. And peace.

I crave peace

"Happiness isn't happiness without a violin-playing goat."

The more I hear, the less I listen. The more I see, the less I know. The more I learn, the less I understand. The more I meet, the less I like. The more I party, the less I relax. The more I go out, the more constricted I feel. 

The more I try, the less I want.

For someone who is fluent in sarcasm, the irony of the situation took some time to hit home. Which, in itself, is a delicious irony. 

I wish I had someone to just talk to.

"In another life, I would make you stay"

I love being surprised by exquisite photographs. I really need to take up photography with some sort of seriousness. I think I'd have some sort of success. Unlike climbing. Or singing. 

On another, and totally random hand, it amazes me how long I can hold a grudge. I don't spend my days worrying about stuff, but I can so easily recall emotions, and how and why I hate someone. If only I could focus on other stuff with the same intensity. Sigh.

"La canta esta muy loca"

I found this on Vie Hebdomadaires, and since I love questionnaires, I thought I'd give it a shot. It's by Marcel Proust, before anyone gets any ideas on how smart and insightful I, or any other blogger, have suddenly become. I'm not saying I'm not smart...

What is your idea of happiness?

 To accomplish my present goals and seek new challenges, in the hope that I am equipped to deal with them and have someone to love and support me. This seems like a fluid idea, though. So maybe it'll change. And a lot of chocolate.

Your greatest fear?

  Not being happy.

Your current state of mind?

 Lonely. Hopeful. Disillusioned. 

What historical figure do you identify with?

 None, really. I'm not much of a history buff.

Your favorite fictional hero?

 Erm, Arthur Dent, because he seems human. Otherwise, Charles Xavier seems pretty awesome, minus the paralysis.

Your favorite real life hero?

 There are heroes in real life? Well, I don't know of any.

Most treasured possession?

 I don't have one.

Where were you the hppiest?

 On track. With someone I love. This is fluid, too.

What is your most marked characteristic?

 My ability to annoy people, I'm going to guess.

Your favorite journey?

 The drive to Goa is pretty awesome. 

What do you most dislike about your appearance?

 My skin is awful.

Where would you like to live?

 Bangalore, circa 2002.

What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?

 Absolute loneliness and despair, coupled with the lack of hope.

What is your motto?

 Don't panic. It gets better. Those are separate mottos, by the way.

Who is your greatest influence?

 Inadvertently or otherwise, I think it would have to be my parents.

I feel taken for granted. At home. At heart. 

Everywhere.

I need someone. Just to talk to.

"If I share with you my story

Will you share you dollar with me?"