So I was looking at my tshirt and wondering.

It's one of those things that your parents bring you in the hope that you'll grow into. My dad lugged it back from DC in the summer of 95, and promptly mothballed it until 2003, whereupon I used it as a rag/mop/bathmat and also wore while doing things to my Herald.

It came out of a 4-pack of them. I asked my dad why on earth he bought 4 tshirts that said Washington DC, and he was like, "Oh there was this Korean family selling them outside the Smithsonian, and it seemed like a bargain". Typical.

Even as a kid, it made me wonder. Selling tshirts outside a museum struck me as the sort of thing poor people did, and at 10 I didn't realise there were poor people in America. I mean, everyone drank Coke and ate burgers, and drove cars.

Then I began to understand. How some people are immigrants. How some people have no choice. How some people give it all up to start afresh, in the hope that things will be better.

It takes guts.

Once in a while, I think about that Korean family. I hope they made it. That their kids went to Harvard or Columbia or MIT, or wherever they wanted to. That they bought their Buick and paid off their mortgage.

It can't be too easy to leave your homeland. They're not particularly good at English, them Koreans. What made them leave the warmth and security of their country, to gamble on a better life thousands of miles away? No knowledge of where they were going, no one to fall back on, no guarantee of success.

Just hope.

It's always hope. Hope that things will get better. Hope that one day, your children will have a better life than you did. Hope that you will have all that you ever wanted. Hope that one day you will find happiness.


"And it’s hope that keeps me holding on
It’s just hope that makes me carry on"

Blah. Bleah. Bleargh.

Snap out of it. Stop moaning.

How?


"When you try and try and you don't succeed..."

Things I've learnt over the last year or so:

- Most people suck.

- You cannot trust anyone.

- Friends are an illusion. Friendship, doubly so. People take what they want, and give what they feel like. If this mutual whoremongering works out, beautiful. Otherwise, fuck off.

- It's your life. No one else cares. Don't expect them to, either.

- It has little to do with how hard you work or strive for something. Shit happens.

- Alcohol never solved anything. But then, neither did milk. So drink as much as you want.

- I'm really bad with money.

- Grab that holiday while you can. You may never get the chance again.

- Grab whatever it is, while you can. You may never get the chance again.

- Nothing lasts forever.

- Driving drunk may be dangerous, but it's fun as hell.

- When faced with a situation, ask yourself 'What's the point?' The right path will become apparent.

- Most people don't suck. They all do.

For teaching me to

Believe. Laugh. Learn. Love. Live. Dance. Listen. Smile. Trust. Think. See. Enjoy. Dream. Cry. Covet. Hold. Touch. Sense. Care. Open my eyes. Take pride in. Believe in myself. Speak my mind. Hold a hand. Lean on someone. Break free. Be brave. Think about myself. Live for today. Live for someone. Believe in someone. Give it all I've got. Give it a shot. Open my eyes. Take joy in. Smell the flowers. Chase the sun.

For teaching me to be me, by being you.

Thank you.

Sadhappy.

To the man who had the vision to change history. Who had the courage to pursue his dream. Who had the faith in his people, and his country, to overcome all odds.

Fifty years from now, they will speak of it in the same breath as the Beetle, and the Model T. And then we will say, yes, we were there. We saw it take shape. We were there.

Ratan Tata, I bow to you.


"A promise is a promise."

Someone wise once said: "The hardest thing you can do is make people believe. To believe in you. To believe in themselves. To believe in the truth."

I startle myself.

The new year resolution is happy, or bust.

So, within a given timeframe, I will be (tick one):
- Happy [ ]
- Bust [ ]

Thing is, I don't know the timeframe.


"C'mon baby, take a chance with us
And meet me at the back of the blue bus
Doin a blue rock
On a blue bus"

I think Bangalore is beautiful.

.

.

"We all live in a yellow submarine"

"You don't win silver, you lose gold."

So this is how it feels to not get what you want.

"Second is first among the losers."

Rage. Blood red rage.

Lots of anger and hate.

"Young at heart and it gets so hard to wait
When no one I know can seem to help me now"

It seems so far away, just like yesterday, an eternity ago, little large heads with big, wide eyes and curly hair. Driving home for the first time, like everytime.

"So nobody ever told us baby
How it was gonna be
So what'll happen to us baby
Guess we'll have to wait and see"

It feels like I've failed this really big exam and now I have to face the consequences. My throat swells up with fear/anxiety, my cheeks flush, my head and eyes ache, all the usual "Erm, Mom and Dad, I didn't do too well..." symptoms. Except they don't go away. For weeks on end.

"When I find out all the reasons
Maybe I'll find another way
Find another day
With all the changing seasons of my life
Maybe I'll get it right next time"

Lots of hate. Lots of love.

Lots of questions.

"Beyond the door
There's peace I'm sure
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven"

"I knew the storm was getting closer
And all my friends said I was high
But everything we've ever known's here
I never wanted it to die "

Ironically,

"Tommy whispers 'Baby it's okay, someday
We've got to hold on to what we've got
It doesnt make a difference
If we make it or not"

In the end, Ozzy is always right...

"You made me cry, you told me lies
But I can't stand to say goodbye
Mama, I'm coming home
I could be right, I could be wrong
It hurts so bad, it's been so long
Mama, I'm coming home"