Expectation is the root cause of all misery.

Why do I care?

I think, therefore I am.

I think, therefore I doubt.

I doubt, therefore I am.

Not?

"And I don't want the world to see me,

'Cause I don't think that they'd understand."

I'm unsure.

Of what exactly I'm unsure, I'm not too sure.

Is that a concentric paradox?

I'm in some sort of a limbo. I've been working so hard over the last month or so, I've lost track of time. I often find myself asking people, in all seriousness, what day it is.

But all this work doesn't seem to be paying off. Or if it does, it's not immediately apparent.

Caged.

It's how I feel. On that last mile, but not knowing if the prize still awaits.

I've been bingeing on that fucker Vir Sanghvi's writing. He's quite good, and since he's India's best food critic, I'm gorging myself while reading his stuff. As a result, I've put on a coupla kilos in the last 3 days. Stupid Gujju.

I only hope it works out.

No, strike that. I know it'll work out. Somehow, deep down inside, I know.

There can be no other way.

"There's something deep inside of me

There's someone else I've got to be..."

I think that maybe, just maybe, I am not very good at being a people person. Maybe.

Maybe I shouldn't think so much.

"We might survive as brothers, yeah

Or perish here as fools..."

It's been coming a while, this want. This need. The craving. The urge to get.

Chinese food.

Flied lice and some remon chicken, maybe?

I've just realised, I've turned into such a whiney bitch.

I've just realised, no one reads this blog anymore.

Which isn't such a bad thing.

Now I'm free to say whatever the fuck I want about whoever I want.

But I pretty much did that anyway.

I think I spend so much of my time worrying about or being annoyed at other people that I don't have much negativity left to write about.

Is that a good thing?

I'm missing something here...

I suspect my thought processes are so fast that I distract myself by branching out randomly. Through the typing of that sentence, I've already (truthfully) linked thoughts, trains of thought, fast trains, random if-train-A-leaves-Delhi-at-1-pm type problems, the TGV, SNCF which is on the TGV's nose, Jay's pics of the bullet train, branches, the banyan tree, the baobab tree, the Yagga tree, James Rollins.

It's no wonder I couldn't concentrate in class. I'm actually surprised I'm even educated. I do remember once falling off a treadmill because I got so absorbed looking at my legs move and trying to calculate my speed by estimating how long my strides were.

Of course, this has little to do with anything else.

Much like everything else.

"Oh well, whatever, nevermind."

Friends. Lovers. Love. Emotion. People. Thoughts. Circumstances. Futures. Pasts. Feelings. Hopes. Sorrows. Anxieties. Desperations.

Why doesn't life have a Del button?

“ Every moment of your life is lived for the future—you go to high school so you can go to college so you can get a good job so you can get a nice house so you can afford to send your kids to college so they can get a good job so they can get a nice house so they can afford to send their kids to college.”

- John Green (Paper Towns)

"Oh how I want to be free baby

Oh how I want to be free

Oh how I want to break free."