Things that I miss:
Companionship. Someone to take care of me. Someone to call at 3:21 am. Someone to laugh with. Friendship. Laughs. Someone to cry at. Someone to hold. Someone to hold me when I'm drunk. Someone to drive me home. Someone to drive home. Someone to giggle with. Someone who understands me. Someone to write letters to. Someone to hang out with. Someone to be myself wth. Someone to share long drives with. Someone to dance with. Someone to love.

"When the truth is found to be lies
And all the joy within you dies
Don't you want somebody to love?
Don't you need somebody to love?
Wouldn't you love somebody to love?"

I feel like shit.

"And it's hard to hold on
When there's no one to lean on..."

The best things in life.

"My heart's like an open book
For the whole world to read
Sometimes nothing keeps me
Together at the seams

I'm on my way
I'm on my way
Home sweet home"

The wonder of flight is one thing. But this is different. This was paid for.

This, I earned.


"I ain't got no money
I ain't got no car to take you on a date
I can't even buy you flowers..."

Today I'm the person who drops it all for you. Tomorrow I'm just another strange face, in another strange place.

Nothing is more crushing than not being treated the way you treat someone else.

'...but life still goes on..."

Everybody lies. White black pink, they're all there, all the time. It's not lying, it's just your version of the truth.

'Maybe if you just tell me a lie...'

I've never felt more pathetic in my life.

It's a dark and rainy night...



...and I'm looking at someone else's drink!


"Kyun aaj-kal neend kam, khwaab zyaada hai..."

...or how forks are always better to use...


"Forget what we're told..."

A walk. At midnight.
A drive. Along a winding road.
A drink. At the bar.
A movie. On the couch.
A smile. In a faded phototgraph.

A memory. From the past.

"Now your pictures that you left behind
Are just memories of a different life"

"Against my will I stand beside my own reflection
It's haunting how I can't seem... to find myself again
My walls are closing in
Without a sense of confidence and I'm convinced that there's just too much pressure to take
I've felt this way before
So insecure"



"Well I need someone to hold me
But I'll wait for something more
Yes I've gotta have faith..."

I've slept 16 hours straight. I suspect it's because I'm not well. I also suspect that that's just a convenient excuse.

School and cable TV. Wednesday nights at 9.30. Did you see what happened?!

6 years later...

School and cable TV. Every evening at 5.00. Did you see what happened?!

I wouldn't have missed it for the world!

'Tis the season of grass, and watching old matches brings back memories. Of curling into a chair to watch people scale height of greatness that mortals only dream about. And that brought back some memories. Of gods among men. And women.

Fraulein Forehand : The greatest women's player of my childhood. I only began to appreciate how great when she was near retirement. Her mastery was absolute, her dedication was laser-like, her forehand was savage.

Czech mate: She did it all. And did it all again. And again. The unstoppable Martina.

The Punisher: From the long-haired freak with the neon racquet at my first Championships, to the man who overcame everything to win again. The only man to be ranked Top 10 in 3 different decades.

Pistol Pete: The king of Wimbledon. Simply the best. Like Becker said "He has the keys to the place". A serve that was poetry in motion, a backhand that was devastating, a game that was perfect.

The Rabbit: Always No. 1 to me. The heartbreak of losing 3 finals, a wildcard entry, and then this. An epic, 3 hour plus five-setter. The only time I cried while watching anything. Probably the best serve ever. "In every game I play there are three players in me that could surface anytime, Good Goran, Bad Goran, Crazy Goran! They can all serve aces."

.

.

"For those of you, for those who rock

Yeah

We salute you"

This place used to be funny. Look at the archives. Now I'm just all sad blah blah depressed blah blah self-doubt blah blah.

I want to go back to the old me. 2003. That was probably the single best year of my life. Probably.

"Oh how I want to be free, baby
Oh how I want to be free..."

Where I'm going next:



God's own country.

"Can't you see it in my eyes
This might be my last goodbye"

RD. SBK. VFR. VF. Honda. Yamaha. Motorsmiths. Tyres. Yokohama. Michelin. Koshy's. Rohith. Job. Salary. Rain. Exams. Helmet. Puma. Driving. Racing. Speed Run. Audi. Land Cruiser. Girls. Friends. Betrayals. Stupidity. Alcohol. Alcoholism. Sutra. Purple Haze. Adam. Swedes. Floyd. Stupid Brits. Drunk old men. Beer. Vodka. Scotch. Forest. Safari. Sumo. Drive. Drink. Eat. Brain. Party. Sick child. Old men. Drunk old men. Stupid old men. Inferiority complex. Calm down. Peace. Scream. 1.30 am. Civility. Life. Death. Love. Hate. Silence. Rock music. Benny Benassi. Cake. Tequila. Fights. Punches. Wounds. Tears. Fears. Tears.

Tears.

"Times have changed, and times are strange..."

He's got a smile that it seems to me




Reminds me of childhood memories

To Jee, Shan and Nathaniyal, who will always be Shah Rukh to me.


"Where do we go now..."

Blue skies from pain.


"We're just two lost souls swimming in a fish bowl, year after year,
Running over the same old ground.
What have we found? The same old fears.
Wish you were here."